Weekly humor: a bit of truth

Darren Anderson sends me some of the best one-liners and these just came in today and I wanted to pass them along because these are actually new, at least to me. Most of the jokes and quips I get have been around for a while, but I haven't seen these and they made me chuckle. I hope you enjoy them!

Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up real fast.

I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.

I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

I love being married. It's great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Whoa! That was fun!"

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called LABOR!

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.