Weekly humor: Testimony From Cape Town Courts

Over the years, there have been many collections of absurd and silly exchanges in courts. Recently, my friend Mandy Schoeman sent these to me, allegedly from actual records in courts around Cape Town. Enjoy!

Judge: I know you, don't I?
Defendant: Uh, yes.
Judge: All right, tell me, how do I know you?
Defendant: Judge, do I have to tell you?
Judge: Of course, you might be obstructing justice not to tell me.
Defendant: Okay. I was your bookie.
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From a defendant representing himself . .. .
Defendant: Did you get a good look at me when I allegedly
stole your purse?
Victim: Yes, I saw you clearly. You are the one who stole
my purse.
Defendant: I should have shot you while I had the chance.
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Judge: The charge here is theft of frozen chickens. Are you
the defendant?
Defendant: No, sir, I'm the guy who stole the chickens.
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Lawyer: How do you feel about defense attorneys?
Juror: I think they should all be drowned at birth.
Lawyer: Well, then, you are obviously biased for the
prosecution.

Juror: That's not true. I think prosecutors should be drowned at birth, too.
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Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror
in this case?
Juror: I don't want to be away from my job that long.
Judge: Can't they do without you at work?
Juror: Yes, but I don't want them to know it.
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Defendant: Judge, I want you to appoint me another lawyer.
Judge: And why is that?
Defendant: Because the Public Defender isn't interested in
my case.
Judge (to Public Defender): Do you have a comment on the
defendant's motion?
Public Defender: I'm sorry, Your Honor. I wasn't listening.